Large & in charge...

Okay maybe not in charge, but definitely feeling large. I think I need to start going to the gym during times when NO ONE is there. I don't mind my belly at home, at work, going out with friends, around family or anywhere else really....except at the gym. I get down on myself looking at toned bodies, people running the miles I want to be running, and people doing the jump squats I feel I should be doing {note, I don't really want to do those}. "Just be thankful you're pregnant" many of you are saying. I am...I promise, I really am. I wouldn't trade this bump {although it's bigger than a bump now...} and feeling him move for anything, but it's hard letting go of the control and letting yourself gain weight. Not many understand this except Laura, one of the trainers at Aspen and a friend of mine. When you've tried for so long to maintain or loose weight, it isn't easy to watch the number on the scale creep up {or jump on some days}, to watch your waist line diminish and watch your hips, thighs and butt get bigger. Have I blogged about this subject before? Seems like familiar territory, but maybe I've just mentioned it in passing to a friend..... Winter is my friend, though. You might be asking yourself if I really just said that. Yes, this winter, I did say it. Don't get me wrong, I miss my warm, summer days and my golden tan but who wants to wear shorts and tanks when they feel huge? Not me! I'll take my beloved maternity jeans and a cozy sweater any day to hide the not-so-cute part of what's going on with this body. :)

Which brings me to my next thought....post-partum body. YIKES!! I think somewhere for all women is a hidden fear that they will never lose their baby weight, they'll never look as good as they did pre-pregnancy, and/or that things will never return to quite the same places as they once were. While some of this may be true {and I'm praying NONE of it is}, I'm trying quiet the devil on one shoulder telling me that getting back in to shape will harder than I think and instead listen to the sweet angelic voice on the other shoulder saying, "You can do it!" I have the motivation right now to loose the weight...lets just hope I can keep that motivation for another 4 months!

***Milestone alert!***
I almost forgot to mention that Baby Soll and I have reached the 6-month mile marker last week!! This mile marker was met with a lot of excitement and a little anxiety about what's left to do and buy before our child makes his grand enterance. Hmmm...we still need to paint the nursery, sign up for birthing classes, come up with a whole lot of money to fix our cars AND pay for the delivery, buy a carpet for the wood floor....and....well, I'm sure there's more I'm just not thinking about. Guess that doesn't seem like much, except for the money part.

Anyway, I leave you with a picture of me at 6 months...what a huge difference from the month 5 picture!





P.S. What's up with my boobs looking like torpeedos in this last picture? I promise they really aren't that pointy...ha!!