Terrible feeling of dread...

The time is almost here and I have the WORST feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel physically ill. What is that feeling? The feeling of dread. I.dread.going.back.to.work.

When I stop and think, I have only been away from Silas for a max of 3 hours. I know, I know...it's healthy for him to be around other children and learn sharing, playing, interactive skills, socializing, etc. But why do my days away from him have to be so long?? Yes, I am very fortunate to only work 3 days a week. BUT 2 of those 3 days Silas will be in daycare for a loooooong 11 hours (Jake is taking off a half day on one of my work days). 11 hours!!

I can't help but think of someone else giving changing him, giving him a bottle, wiping away his tears, comforting him when he cries...all for 11 hours. It seriously makes me feel ill. Ugh!

In my perfect world, I would work 3 - 8-hour shifts. Then I could be home with Silas in the evenings, make supper, give him a bath, put him to bed, and still feel like we had a little play time in the evenings. As of now, I'll pick him up at 7:30, give him a bath, feed him, maybe read a few books and put him to bed. I'm not begging to be a stay-at-home Mommy....in fact, I don't know if I could do it. I love nursing and the intellectual challenge it gives me. I love my co-workers and the interaction I get with them and my patients. I love caring for others. But my sweet family comes before all that and that is what I'm having a hard time with.

So if you think of it, please say a little prayer for me. I really am struggling with this. Someone told me the anticipation is the worst part and I'm hoping it's true. I just can't get over the 11-hour days.